Wednesday, January 7, 2015

22 Things You Should Never Say to Your Girlfriend

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Don't say any of these phrases to her. In fact, don't even think them around her. If you do, be prepared for the madness. 
1."You look really tired."

Thanks for observing. Yes, I am tired. Tired of people reminding me that I have bags under my eyes the size of watermelon.

2. “Don’t take this the wrong way, but…”
Well, how am I supposed to take it now? 

3. “You remind me of my mom.”

Isn’t your mom 50 and fat?

4. “Are you on your period?”
No, but I might as well be now, because after that comment I’m about to kill you.

5. "Are you wearing that?"
Well, I was going to… until you said that. Congrats, now you have to wait two more hours while I find another dress that you’re probably going to dislike.

6. “You might be able to fit into this.”
Might? What exactly do you mean by might?
7. “Your sister is so hot!”
Wow, that’s a really charming way to tell me that my hormones messed up.

8.  “You have a really pretty face.”
Just my face? What, you made it past my neck and decided that the rest of me was ugly?

9. “Your hair looks way better (shorter, darker, longer, up, etc.).”
That’s funny, I don’t remember asking for your judgment…

10. “You’re still hungry?”
You know what? Yes, I am. And I am going to eat this entire Fridge and not feel bad about it.

11. “Why are you freaking out?”
Freaking out?? Do you really want to see me freak out?!

12. “Didn’t you wear that last week?”
Yeah… what are you going to do about it?.. yeah why don’t you buy me a new one?
13. “You ask a lot of questions.”
Maybe if you learned how to answer them properly in the first place I wouldn’t have to ask so frickin’ many.

14. “I don’t know if I trust your cooking.”

Fine. Then don’t eat it. More for me.

15. "It's not you; it's me."
Yeah, okay. Good one.

16. “Is that your real hair?”
That’s for me to know and for you to never find out.

17. “Don't be mad; I was just kidding!”
That was really funny. Like, super funny. LOL -_-

18. “Are you sick?”
Yes, and I’m infectious. So don’t piss me off.

19. “You’re crazy.”
If I am in fact crazy, wouldn’t it be a awful idea to tell me that I'm crazy?

20. “You have a lot of feelings.”
Since when is that illegal?

21. "Calm down."
I. Am. Calm. But you're making it awfully difficult for me to stay that way.

22. “How much do you weigh?
Not even worth an explanation.

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